whatsername's Blog

You see, it's sad when you're head over heels with someone but they're seeing someone else. You start suspecting they are seeing someone else, mainly because they've suddenly stopped showing the same kind of interest in you. Although you panic inside of you, although you're dying of curiosity, you won't say a thing. You notice him (or her, hey!) chatting online with that other person when you come over, you notice him texting with someone, or actually calling someone to tell them that they have "forgotten" their headphones in his jacket/bag/pocket/hat/shoe/cat/etc. When you go home and look over your feed wall on Facebook, you notice he's just been tagged in some new photos which give the hint that this mystery girl was around him all the freakin time. You feel a little anxious for a while, then tell yourself it's JUST your imagination, so you can sleep well that night.

You desperately try to give him the hint that you're just waiting for him to look you into the eyes and kiss you passionately, BEFORE he leaves the country. He leaves the country, without ever kissing you. You come home, cry your heart out. You wonder if he was too shy, if he was thinking about how much it would hurt later. You actually imagine you had a change, if only you'd been smarter, slicker, more attractive, more courageous, or something, you may have kissed him.

A week later, you go on Facebook again. Some new photos of him appear in the news feed. You see something strange in the thumbnail. Your heart starts to beat faster as you click on it; and yes, your suspicions are confirmed. They're holding hands, they're cuddling, they're acting all couple-y.

For a moment, you act shocked. Then you realise you knew it all along, but refused to believe it. Then you wonder, ask yourself "Why didn't he tell me?" Why did you have to find out through Facebook, after he left? Somehow, you feel glad that he hasn't told you himself that they're together. On the other hand, you still wonder why he didn't tell you.

You spend the following 2 weeks wallowing, basking, reveling in your sadness, loneliness, confusion... then you promptly start blocking any thoughts of him that might appear in your clouded mind.

A month later, in which he did not try to contact you at all, you decide to go on his Facebook profile again. Thing is, all the tagged photos of him are gone. You go Huh? for a moment or two. Then... then you realise what has happened here. You quickly browse his wall, and go on her profile. Notice that she changed her profile photo, which used to be a photo of them. You don't think much of that, but then you look to the right of the photo. Notice something? He is not among your common friends anymore.

 

You don't feel sorry at all. You actually feel relieved. Happy.

 

I would say I feel sorry for them, but I really don't.

I've become addicted to Cracked.com .. I actually stayed up until 3-4am last night to read stuff on Cracked.com. OK, I didn't stay up for cracked.com, I really couldn't sleep so I spent the night reading funny articles. It's addicting!

 

Also, I got a zit on my chin. Wtf? :(

www.youtube.com/watch

Ahh, this song reminds me of being depressed over the break up with my ex so much :/

 

Once there was a great storm,
Pushed my head beneath the waves,
I was gone.

Underneath the walnut tree,
Where you said you'd wait for me,
And I waited a long, long time

I waited a long, long time,
I waited a long, long time,
I waited a long, long time,
I waited a long, long time.

Why, why do I come here?
Seeking out the memories I handed,
'Cause you put your spell on me,
Made me live a memory,
And I'm frozen in just the wrong time.

I waited a long, long time,
I waited a long, long time,
I waited a long, long time,
I waited a long, long time.
 

lazymuffin.deviantart.com/art/Where-Is-My-Mind-39530162 - I think this is hilarious! Defenetely made my day :)

 

Oh and I love the Placebo cover of that song :D

 

I've got this feeling that there's something that I missed
(I could do most anything to you...)
Don't you breathe
Something happened, that I never understood
You can't leave
Every second, dripping off my fingertips
Wage your war
Another soldier, says he's not afraid to die
Well I am scared
In slow motion, the blast is beautiful
Doors slam shut
A clock is ticking, but it's hidden far away
Safe and sound

I feel so hollow. I feel as if something is missing and I can't figure out what.

I feel sad (I am not what you'd call depressed/utterly sad, it's more of a state of unhappiness and lack of satisfaction), and lonely.

It is bothering me so...

I want to understand why I am feeling like this. I can't think of something/someone that makes me REALLY frustrated or sad ...

Do I miss a friend?





On a side note, on the 28th of May there would've been a year since my exboyfriend and I started being in a relationship. It's a date I cannot forget. I struggle not to think of it too much, but oh well, it marked my life... he marked my life and it's hard to forget such a person.



Lalala...
A dedication to him: James Blunt - High
"Beautiful dawn - melt with the stars again.
Do you remember the day when my journey began?
Will you remember the end (of time)?
Beautiful dawn - You're just blowing my mind again.
Thought I was born to endless night, until you shine.
High; running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me."

Oh god, why do I always find out about good music so late?




Also, I think everyone knows this song...

Keane - Bedshaped




It used to be one of my fav songs back when it was...uh.. new and I have started listening to it all the time again. Something has started bothering me though (again)... what do the lyrics mean? :/ I read so many interpretations and I can't decide which one is closest to the actual meaning?


I watched two films this weekend: Wristcutters: A Love Story (it's a black comedy - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0477139/ ) and Idiocracy ( http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0387808/ ).
Wristcutters was great! I think it's an independent film... anyway, I am surprised I haven't heard of it until a few days ago.
Idiocracy was pretty stupid, but entertaining nonetheless. At least time passed easier... well, if you do like silly comedies, and you haven't seen it yet, go watch it!

Other films you might wanna watch:
* Cry_Wolf - it's from 2005 and it isn't so popular but it's a great film;
*Disturbia - mmm, a thriller! What if you found out your neighbour is a serial killer?;
*Everything Is Illuminated - "is a 2005 adventure/comedy/drama". Adapted after the book with same name. IT ROCKS;
*AAAND HAPPY(oops, HARRY*) PO-- nahh, I don't like the Harry Potter movies :P

Yeh, I like EP blogs. I can babble about stupid things that I wouldn't like my friends to know and about music all day here. I doubt that people read my blog, haha, but at least I can get things off my mind here :)

http://www.myspace.com/brendanjames

"Green" is a great song!

green reminds me
of everything we did
it blinds me
it rushes through my head
it finds me close to you again
ohhh, ohhh

"Lady, where's your love gone
I was looking but can't find it anywhere
They always offer when there's
Loads of love around
But when you're short of some
It's nowhere to be found

Well I know your game
You told him yesterday
No chance you'll get nothing from me
But now she's there, you're there and
Everybody's there
He's in turmoil, as puzzled as can be
Just like me

Let's go down, down, low down
Where I know I should not go
Oh and she thinks she's the one
But she's just one in twenty-four

And just 'cause everybody's doing it
Does that mean that I can too?

Lady, where has your love gone
He was the antiseptic to the sore
To hold you by the hand
Must be first be in demand
How he longs for you to
Long for him once more
Just once more

Let's go down, down, low down
Where I know I should not go
Oh and she thinks she's the one
But she's just one in twenty-four

And just 'cause everybody's doing it
Does that mean that I can too?

Ohh, her eyes went down
And cut you up
And there's nothing like a dirty look from
The one you want
Or the one you've lost

An ache in your soul
Is everybody's goal
To get what they can't have
That's why you're after her
And that's why she's after him
But saying it won't change a thing

And don't realise that it won't change a thing
Realise it won't change a thing."

Arctic Monkeys :DDDDD



Oh and... this one's very nice too!

Oooh!




Recently heard the song on Euronews :p Heh.

"We spent some time
together walking
Spent some time just talking
about who we were
You held my hand so
very tightly
And told me what we
could be dreaming of

There’s nothing like you and I

We spent some time
together drinking
Spent some time just thinking
about days of joy
As our hearts started
beating faster
I recalled your laughter
from long ago

There’s nothing like you and I

We spent some time
together crying
Spent some time just trying
to let each other go
I held your hand so
very tightly
And told you what I would be
dreaming of

There’s nothing like you and I
So why do I even try?
There’s nothing like you and I"



aww

Someone made my day today :D
He's sooo great!

I hope everyone has a good day!

Valentine's day shouldn't be only about lovers... it celebrates love, right? And you love your friends, right? Then spend your day with them (at least with the single ones) :)My mood: very loved

You see, I dreamed this ( http://www.experienceproject.com/dreams.php?did=5033 ) in Octomber.


I can finally say that I am totally over my ex and I don't love him at all. Not a little bit.

But you see, I found out he has a girlfriend... saw how she looks. And she looks exactly like that girl I dreamed he's dating (link above)! I dreamed that in Octomber, and I saw her for the first time in January.

It's weird...

Worst day yet this year.
I don't know why I felt that way...

Today I had a test at chemestry. I studied yesterday a lot and I knew everything I needed to know by heart.
I started doing the simple exercises (keeping the harder ones for the end). Everything cool. Then when I wanted to do the first of the harder exercises I just blocked. Couldn't remember anything, nor understand. The teacher explained two times what I had to do, but I didn't understand anything. It was like I departed from my knowledge and everything around me seemed unclear, like it was in fog. Nothing made sense anymore. I panicked. I tried to calm down and remember stuff, but I couldn't. I just sat there watching my paper and moving in my chair, playing with my pencil. The teacher asked me something, but I lost my voice. She asked me what's wrong, but I couldn't tell. I was so panicked.
I looked down and suddenly started crying. I couldn't hold my tears whatever I did, but I did my best to hide that I was crying. I cried for at least 30 minutes. I just wanted to get up and run somewhere else. I wanted to move as far as possible from that place. Failing a single test won't do much damage to me, but the only things in my mind were that I'm a failure, this will ruin me and beyond that. I gave my test when the teacher said our time is over. It was almost blank.
I opened the door and ran.
Ran where my mum works. I opened the door to her office and wanted to hug my mum, but instead I was so dizzy by now I just fell near her chair, crying like crazy. She made me get up and I almost fell over her desk. I sat on a chair there and she asked me what's wrong. Through many tears I told her what had happened. She held me until I was finished crying.
Then I went back to school. I was late of course, I lied that I had a problem with my stomach.
I needed to cry for hours after, but I didn't because I was never alone. Now I have a headache and I feel depressed.

This is what exessive stress + fatigue does to you :[
Does anyone know the name of this... thing that happened to me?

Now I can say that there is one person that knows exactly who my ex-boyfriend is. A person that knows him. His friend. Me and my ex tried to wipe any existance of our relationship. No one knows. Except me, him and his friend now. He never told his friend, even if my ex introduced me to him and his other friends yesterday. Don't know why he did that, personally I can't see a friendship between us, even if my optimistic nature wants to push it and bug him to be friends with me, because who knows what will happen. There's still that little hope that he will come back to me.

I love him. He couldn't care less for me, really. We switched from dead end relationship, to dead end friendship.

Seeing him... talking to him... still depresses me a lot. I don't want this. I want to be loved and to love.



What happened?


Last night, me, my ex, his friend(D) and his girlfriend(N) were hanging out. N had to leave soon after my arrival. For a few hours (2h I think) we talked. I was a little absent, I was shivering so much I felt I could jump any moment from where I was sitting. I was hardly helping not to cry, to act happy.


My ex left.


I was left with D. What were we supposed to do? Talk, of course. He didn't even know I've known my ex for so long. I told him we've been together. I talked about the relationship we had, he put a lot of questions. He was really surprised. And I was happy to listen to the story of him and his girlfriend. I was surprised to know that N is his girlfriend. Silly me, all this time I thought my ex wanted to go out with N.


He asked me if I told my ex I still love him. I said of course not, things with him are screwed up enough, I don't want to make it worser for both of us. I don't want to ruin everything. Again.


However, it is so tempting. Valentine's Day is getting closer. I really wouldn't see myself with someone else than him that day. But still, there are HUGE chances he'll reject me. I really don't need that.


We talked until 4 AM.


I hardly slept.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=gRtmkNuQ7h8

It is so beautiful...
I get chills when I listen to it...
Amazing song. If only perfection existed...

(Ville Valo)
I’m giving up the ghost of love
In the shadows cast on devotion

(Lauri Ylönen)
She is the one that I adore
Creed of my silent suffocation

(Together)
Break this bittersweet spell on me
Lost in the arms of destiny

(Ville Valo)
Bittersweet

(Lauri Ylönen)
I won’t give up
I’m possessed by her

(Ville Valo)
I'm bearing her cross
She's turned into my curse

(Together)
Break this bittersweet spell on me
Lost in the arms of destiny

(Lauri Ylönen)
Bittersweet
I want you

(Ville Valo)
Oh I wanted you

(Lauri Ylönen)
And I need you

(Ville Valo)
How I needed you

(Together)
Break this bittersweet spell on me
Lost in the arms of destiny
Break this bittersweet spell on me
Lost in the arms of destiny

Bittersweet...